I was thinking about the cumulative effects of things the other day. And how my life is different because I was raised a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. And something that came to mind, was that I was taught from the time I could speak to think of and recited the things I am grateful for in my life multiple times per day.
I love that. I think gratitude really shapes how we think. Similarly, years ago the Ensign had a Visiting Teaching theme about "how have I seen the Lord's hand in my life today?" and it really helped me to be able to see and recognize the more simple and also present blessings. I think it really changed me.
I grew up with parents who were very committed to being dedicated parents. Being a mom and dad is really celebrated in our church culture. Its also a fundamental part of a strong society. And as a result I think we are blessed with parents who try. And like me, my parents weren't perfect. But like me it is something they cared a lot about and was part of their identity.
I feel very fortunate that I was taught as a kid the benefit of living free of addictions. I think the community effect of this results in stronger families. When a large portion of the people around you are not addicted to drugs, you grow up knowing it can be done and so it is easier. I feel so sad when I see shows geared for teens, and it shows young people partying and accompanying messages that this is what people do in college and otherwise and only nerds don't drink. There are lots of non-religious people who also don't drink--particularly heath conscious people like in Simone's climbing community. I feel bad for those who became addicted because they underestimated the power of substances! I wish kids could see the outcomes of both choices. Sure there is a sweet spot for alcohol intake. Where it isn't so detrimental. Unfortunately I don't have a lot of friends or family who have been able to easily stay in that sweet spot range.
Another reason I love the gospel is it helps connect us with our communities. We are trained to be thinking of ways that we can help others on a regular basis. It's an active part of who we are. We have a very large family, and a lot of the service we've participated in and received has been with other family members. We've had some big needs in our extended family. And its incredible to look at all the people we know will have our backs if we ever needed it.
I love that Jared served a mission before we met. It was tough for him. He gave up pursuing basketball scholarships. He left his girlfriend knowing they probably wouldn't end up together. And he spent time cleaning peoples houses (like hazmat type cleaning) and volunteering at the senior homes. Teaching smoking cessation. He honed his public speaking abilities. He learned to not fear rejection. It was overall a great learning experience.
I think one of the things that has helped me and my kids is having leadership roles in the church. It's uncomfortable. Its hard sometimes, but it also is necessary to push out of our comfort zones and develop skills that we wouldn't otherwise have. We don't always enjoy having callings, but I have seen how they have helped me to become better. Organizing girls camp this year and last was good for me! Even when I didn't want to do it. I felt good afterwards seeing how this planning took shape and resulted in a fun time for our group.
I love knowing that I have a connection and a lifeline when I need it. I don't always feel an immediate or clear answer to my prayers. Years ago, I prayed to know whether we should build a home. I don't feel like I got a clear answer then. I went ahead with the building because it seemed like a smart choice. I spent nearly everyday at that home site in some way. I went through all the different choices and changes and selections. It was a huge process. And then midway through we had our money invested with someone who turned out to be running a ponzi scheme. I was devastated. We thought we could still continue on and be okay. But then the mortgage market changed a month before our house was done. It became impossible to finish and we walked away from a lot of money that we'd put in with the down payment, cabinets, changes, etc. It was a super sad and confusing time. Luckily my kids were little and not aware of our financial issues. I wished Heavenly Father had just given me a clear "no" when I prayed. But I feel like it has all worked out and we learned from that experience. It led us on a different path and to where we are today. I wish I could pray away all my struggles. I know I can't. But I can have help with dealing with them. That year (2008) blogging really helped me to focus on all the good things I still had in my life. I learned the proper priority of material things. That I can be happy without having a lot. That I am pretty resilient! Things happen that I can't control. But I can choose my reaction. And Jared and I learned how to support each other better.
When I've needed clarity, strength or comfort, I got it immediately. Sometimes it is so clear and obvious. And other times it is more subtle. Several years ago I was sad for one of my kids and the struggles they were having. I poured my heart out in my closet and said, "Heavenly Father, please help my kid!" and right away I got the answer, "I already am." That brought me comfort. I've learned that answers sometimes take years. And in a funny story that I will relate someday, that specific answer seems more applicable now looking back. I've written a lot of past posts about these so I'll try not to be redundant.
Last year, as evidenced by all the blog posts on this subject, I was super stressed about the vaccine mandates. They affected us in a very real way limiting our ability to travel, attend events, marathons, job limitations and even Simone's climbing Nationals was up in the air. I resented being depicted as selfish or ignorant and felt sensitive about that. I was extremely frustrated. I read about vaccine related studies and articles obsessively. Until I got the very clear answer that everything would be worked out in time. And here we are a year later and the world is in agreement (mostly) that the vaccines didn't stop transmission anyway but are more of a personal health issue and mandates are not moral or constitutional. Things have changed and it is a huge relief for me. Still praying for our family in California and hoping their kids will still be able to attend public school. Trying to "let God prevail" on these things.
We are fortunate to have an eternal perspective on life. Life certainly sucks sometimes. But even then, its a classroom. We are here to learn and grow and continually progress. And in fact, Heavenly Father knew we weren't going to be perfect. Maybe that's something we need to emphasize more in the church. Our creator made us imperfect for a reason. We are all imperfect humans. All of us need Jesus. If we accept that, great, it just part of the plan. Whatever you struggle with, its okay, and in fact you were made to struggle with things. The main thing is to keep trying. Our progress even continues after death. I was comforted this week thinking of my uncles. And when I'm sad thinking about how hard life was for Ron, it made me feel better knowing we have unlimited chances. Death isn't the end for Ron. I wanted to give him a hug after hearing how he died with some big regrets and knowing some of the things he dealt with and went through. And I feel grateful knowing that Grandma is there to give him a hug. And that Jesus can give him one too. And we can do his temple work. That's pretty incredible. The trauma and tragedy he experienced in life can be righted.
And finally, I love the emphasis that religion has on knowing who we are. I follow this lady on Instagram called Dr. Becky. My little sister introduced us to her. She talks about how kids are "good inside" and how to validate and respond to their emotional cues. I love, love, love those sentiments. I wish I had Dr Becky when my kids were little. LDS kids are taught that we are each a "Child of God." Sometimes its hard to understand what that really means. We are all "good inside" and we all have a divine heritage. We can mess up and make mistakes, and if we practice repenting and saying we are sorry, life is better! We are even healthier because of it. And likewise we practice forgiveness to others who have wronged us.
I was going to bear my testimony the other day in church, but I was too scared. When did I start worrying so much about what people think of me? I need to do less of that and just be me. But whatever. Here it is on my blog instead.
