Rides

 Just a cute moment today that I don't want to forget.  (Picture is from a month ago on his birthday)

Miles was heading to school a little late.  And I was about to take Soren and Simone, when Miles asked Soren if he wanted him to drop him off in his car.  

Soren was very excited about Miles taking him.  And Simone hurried so she could get a ride with Miles too.  When they were little, I used to love to see how Miles would fire up his Power Wheels Jeep everyday and drive he and Simone to preschool down the street.  This reminded me of that.

I love nothing more than my kids having those little interactions.  Its not a big thing, but they will remember those things someday.  

I have been walking more recently and I started timing my walks so I can walk home from school with Soren.  Then I realized Soren has been calling Miles to pick him up a lot!  Haha.  Smart. 

The Miles and Soren dynamic is a cute one.  Miles was SO excited to have a brother.  And when Soren was born, Miles was only 7.  So Soren really gravitated toward Monet who was just a lot older and more secure feeling I'm sure.  Monet was obsessed with Soren and took care of him all the time.

Miles on the other hand was also obsessed with Soren, but was unpredictable and young.  And it was hard for him to compete with the steady nurturing of Monet.  Soren preferred Monet to almost anyone.

So Miles tries pretty hard to get Soren to love him.  He is pretty sweet actually.  But he also loves to tease. When Soren could barely talk, he'd already learned how to handle Miles's teasing.  There was a picture on the computer of a blobfish.  And Miles said, "Soren, you're a blobfish!" and Soren without any hesitation said, "No Miles YOU a blobfish"  and it was so funny because he could hardly even pronounce it all, but he'd already learned how to dish it right back.  Boys have a different way of connecting, I've heard.  But my boys are polar opposites.  Miles would have really enjoyed a funny, teasing, rough and tumble older brother.  But Soren is very different than Miles.  Miles loves the spotlight.  He likes to entertain and to be funny and thrives on shock value (gets that from my dad).  Miles probably never had a friend that was a girl when he was young.  Pretty sure even his girl cousins didn't exist to him.  It was all about the bros.  Soren likes to blend in.  He doesn't want to wear crazy outfits or call attention to himself.  He likes to match.  He is methodical, quiet, well-behaved at school.  He has tons of friends, both boys and girls.  He's interested in a lot of the same things Miles was: Volcanoes, lava, space, legos, robots, etc.  But his nature is similar to both Monet and Elise.  A lot more reserved.  It will be fun to see how their relationship evolves.  Jared and his brother Travis are also very different but they work well together and complement each other.  They love each other and love being together and are interested in a lot of the same things.  I love my boys and their individuality.  I love their differences!  They are both so fun.

With Monet out of the house though, Miles is really able to fill all the older sibling roles like taking them to the store and playing with him.  They go to "The Junction" a lot.  And just have a ton of fun together.  We went to the Dinosaur Museum for FHE.  I was halfway expecting the older kids would complain.  But Miles really loved going and showing Soren all his favorite parts.

We miss Monet!  Its different without her here.  But I know she's learning a lot from living away too.  It will be fun to have them all home for a little while before she heads off on her next adventure.  She's talking about serving a mission later this year.

Girls in Sports

I read somewhere on Instagram that it is "National Girls and Women in Sports Day."  What a great idea!

I've thought a lot about sports recently, and how sports have influenced our family.  Years ago I read the article about high school sports being, "the road to nowhere" and it talked about how families spend so much money trying to get their kids to play sports in college, and its not really an effective use of time or money.  While I agree with some of these things, I feel like sports is part of who we are over here at the Winger household.  Its in us.  We love sports for a lot of reasons.  And its not just about college or making it in the future.  Although that has happened for quite a few of our family members.  Its far from why we love sports.  Sports has provided a program that has helped my kids develop their character, habits and relationships.

Physical outlet  

This is something I've loved watching with my kids!  When Monet was going through a rough time, she had cross country every morning.  Waking up and running 7 miles was predictable and therapeutic.  It was a good stress relief.  The benefits of being active on our mental state is well researched.  Exercise has positive effects on our emotional well-being.  I hope to teach my kids that daily exercise is a good habit to cultivate.  I think they feel it already.

Consistency and self-discipline 

Showing up everyday for practice is a grind sometimes.  And there are times they really get tired of it.  But they know that putting in the work is part of the requirement.  Its necessary and sometimes its a mind over matter thing and you just dig in.  I think this translates into other areas of life.

Positive body image

My girls like feeling strong and healthy.  It's fun and empowering to be able bodied.  One thing I've learned for myself is that focusing on a sports goal or talent gives you appreciation for your body.  And it lessens the focus on appearance.  Simone really enjoyed her weights class this past term.  She was proud of her accomplishments and improvements.  It's fun to see progress.

Friendships

Maybe the best part of being in sports is the friendship network that is created.  I've seen how my girls bond with their teammates over the years.  They have so many shared experiences.  Cooperation, teamwork, encouragement and even all the desperately cold situations and terrible weather is bonding.  They love those friends so much.

Goal Setting and confidence

My favorite part of sports is seeing how they learn to work patiently toward a goal.  And then as they progress in the challenge, they build confidence little by little.  Watching this process has inspired me to tears many, many times.  I used to think people were either good at sports, or they weren't.  I didn't understand that those athlete girls at my school likely had years of rec and comp teams under their belt when I played against them in PE.  In my mind, they were just better than me.  On a couple of occasions people have made comments to me about how their kids just aren't good at sports so they took them out and tried something else.

And that is perfectly fine everyone has a different passion and it doesn't have to be sports.  BUT if your child loves sports, or even if they don't YET but they need a boost in any of the above items, keep them in for a few seasons and see how it goes.  Monet was super tiny and really disadvantaged in size for the first few years of lacrosse.  Lacrosse was a new sport and the team spanned three grade years.  She was 4th grade playing with 6th graders and had a hard time getting the ball.  But that taught her to be scrappy.  And when she finally got her growth spurt, she finally had the size in addition to the scrappiness and it made her a much better athlete.  So her abilities as a grade schooler did not define what she was capable of.  So teach patience with that goal setting.  Also we tried lots of different sports.  Elise and soccer were not a good match.  She was really timid and it was just not in her.  Monet did gymnastics for years and loved it, but honestly was not all that talented at it.  We laugh about it now because she is so athletic.  But I swear it was a year before she could do a cartwheel.  Later her cheer friends taught her to do a back tuck, but when they are little sometimes it takes awhile for their coordination to develop.  Pretty sure none of my kids were great at sports until about 4th grade.  Maybe Simone was, but she had years of play practicing with siblings.

Now just because it is Girls in Sports day doesn't mean that all of these things don't apply to Miles too!

I'm going to write more about his basketball season.  It's been really fun to watch his determination, self discipline and consistency develop through basketball.  Not to mention it's a common interest that bonds him with Jared.

I bought this plaque for Monet during her first cross country season:

Good things come to those who BELIEVE.

Better things come to those who are PATIENT and the

BEST things come to those who don't give up!

I love it because I've watched this process and it really inspires me in a lot of different areas of life.

Pointing Fingers is the Lazy Way

Years ago in one of my communications classes we were given a chart and on it it had "reactive behaviors" and "proactive behaviors".

It really made an impact on me.  In my life there are a lot of things I can't control that affect me.  I can focus my time and energy in frustration with those things, or I can just choose to focus on what I can control and use my influence in those places.

The Covid 19 issue this past year has highlighted for me why being proactive wins every time.

I can eat healthy, exercise, not smoke or drink alcohol and doing those things will not only help me to survive covid, but also heart disease, some cancers, and diabetes.  So being proactive provides a broad range of protections available to me.

Being proactive means I take ownership for my own choices.  I can choose to stay home.  I can choose to take extra precautions if I go out.  I can get my groceries delivered.  I can use the Wal-mart pickup.  I can choose to limit my social gatherings.  I can wear a mask.  I could even wear a helmet or full hazmat suit if I wanted.  

What I won't do is shame other people with their failure to protect me.  As if a virus spreading to me is someone else's fault.  I've read a lot about shaming in the past few years.  It's the new thing to talk about.  We shouldn't shame people.  But a lot of people didn't get the memo.  Because there is a whole lot of shaming going on lately.  The term "maskhole" is kinda clever and makes me laugh, but still reactive.  I did get covid from my daughter, who got it from friends at college.  Could I have prevented myself from getting it through precautions?  Yes.  I could have been super strict about keeping her in a separate area of the house. But thankfully my immune system is working just fine and I was able to recover easily.  Obviously covid affects everyone differently.  Some people are going to be more impacted by it.  Our best odds of facing covid includes a healthy lifestyle.

I don't want to rely on the government to protect my health.  What I do with my own body is more important than any restriction or decision the government could make.  This is evidenced by the mortality rates and the data across the world in places with strict lockdowns compared to those with few.  If you look at the worst infections rates in the nation, those with masks and lockdowns aren't necessarily faring any better than those without.  California is exploding right now despite all the austere measures in place for months.  No school, no sports, indoor dining, salons, etc.  On the other hand, Florida is open and less restrictive and their numbers are nearly exactly the same.  Lockdowns work at least temporarily.  But we are missing the forest for the trees.  Lockdowns increase so many other problems and the inactivity is detrimental to our mental and physical health in other ways.  The best way to beat Covid long term is by being healthy and reducing preventable pre-existing conditions.  On average those who die of Covid have 2.8 preexisting health conditions.  In Utah, the mortality rate is very low.  In my area it is 1 out of 300 people tested that die of covid.  Still I want better odds than that.  Age and non-smoking population is probably a big part of the lower rates.   By taking care of our health, our covid mortality risk is even lower.  

Some facts from the CDC on the top causes of death annually:

• Heart Disease 655,000 people per year
• Cancer 595,000
• lower respiratory diseases 155,000
• Stroke 140,000
• Diabetes 80,000
• Flu/Pneumonia 57,000
• Kidney disease 49,000
• Suicide 44,000  

Lockdowns and inactivity are not doing anything to help us with those other top causes of death.  It stands to reason it would worsen those other health related problems by restricting healthcare, and encouraging inactivity and stress.  It is counter productive to focus so much on reducing covid deaths, that we have increased deaths in other areas.

Now one real conundrum with this virus is that people living in a care facility depend on caregivers to survive.  Those people don't go out anyway.  They are beholden to the people caring for them.  And that is where I think our government and focus should be.  How to best keep them safe.  I'm glad there is a vaccine for those people who are at greatest risk.  Hopefully it works well.  New strains of Covid are cropping up and threatening vaccine efficacy.  There is a lot we don't know about the experimental vaccine.  Time will tell.  

Hypothetically, if the government can tell me to stay home and shut down my business, shouldn't exercise and healthy food be mandated as well?  I obviously would not be in favor of controlling peoples diet.  But its interesting to think about.  If "we are all in this together", then is what people do to their bodies is also my business?  Can I mandate that we get rid of soda and junk?  Because we can all agree it has a negative impact on our collective health.  And if people have weak immune systems because of their bad choices then they are basically just dirty selfish disease spreaders who drain the system and clog up our healthcare facilities if you follow the same logic that has been applied throughout the pandemic by the shaming population.  I don't like that attitude and clearly its dehumanizing and contemptuous.  But I have felt this similar line of thinking from people who talk about kids or college students potentially spreading Covid by attending gatherings, etc.  I've heard kids called "disease vectors" and college students called "entitled" who don't want to give up dating, or seeing their families, and yet these name callers are unwilling to make changes that would benefit their own health.  It is similarly wrong to force an entire population to stay home for months on end, destroying businesses, closing schools, closing churches, putting many families into financial crisis.  

How about we all just focus on our own circle of influence and put our efforts into our own body and family.  We will combat not only covid, but the other top diseases.  We can also boost mental health at the same time.  We will have less fear of different strains changing vaccine impact, and we can get back to living with less risk.    How about our "New Normal" includes a plan to get Americans back in shape.