All Things Denote There is a God

My brother in law is compiling a testimony journal.  It has been awhile since I shared mine and what I shared was mostly my conversion of how I came to know that I was on the right track.  I am excited about his challenge and thought it would be great for my blog.  I want to process my thoughts and for my kids to have a record of my experiences.

I love the quote from Alma, "All things denote there is a God."  In high school we were assigned to read Grapes of Wrath.  One of the characters, I honestly don't remember which, says "there is no sin, there's just things people do."  And I remember considering that and wondering if that might be true.  I wasn't totally sure that the gospel was true yet.  I did have faith.  It wasn't the "nothing wavering" kind, but I did believe and wanted to believe.  But my doubts plagued me.  Am I not recieving an answer because I am doing something wrong?  Or is it that it just isn't true and I am wasting these efforts?  I didn't know.

High school for me was a time when I think I was trying to figure out who I was.  The doors were all wide open and I was trying out a few without committing to any.  So I let these kinds of ideas roll around in my brain.  Thinking about them and wondering what was right.

Eventually I went through that car accident and the month after that was incredibly hard.  I had that crazy bad night where I was completely in despair.  I was pretty sure there was no God.  My prayers of wanting to gain a testimony went unanswered.  Instead of the manifestation of the Holy Ghost that I'd expected, I was in a horrible car accident and the worst time of life so far.

Why would that happen to me?  I just kept asking myself.  And that night I decided it just wasn't true.  I might as well do all the things my church kept me from doing.  But then one by one as I thought of what those things were, I realized I would never do them anyway.  I loved the values of the church and I believed they were good for me and led to a greater freedom and happiness in my life, even if none of it was true.

Sobbing I gave God one last chance.  Send me a sign now or I'm not going to believe.  I opened my scriptures to a random page and there was "If ye have no hope, ye must needs be in despair.  And despair cometh because of iniquity."  That passage was highlighted.  I was unmoved and a little incensed.  Iniquity?  No despair cometh because I've been sent this trial and it was too much for me!

I went to bed that night and really just shelved the issue.  I wasn't changing my values.  But I didn't really believe.

The next year I didn't really make much progress.  I did attend BYU.  Mostly because I was promised a car if I went to BYU.  I turned in my application on the last day it was due.  And I certainly wasn't too convinced that is where I would end up.

At BYU I took a Book of Mormon class where we were required to read 30 minutes a day.  That is all that we talked about in class.  It wasn't a review of the Book of Mormon at all.  Just a requirement of reading 30 minutes a day, at the right times, with the right mindset.  We talked a lot about feasting upon the word of God.  And also how if we weren't reading the Book of Mormon everyday, we were trampling upon the word of God.

I didn't accomplish that.  And at the end of the semester I had to write a journal entry of how my testimony had grown.  It was forced and totally unnatural.

The next semester I spent in Russia.  Russia was cold and dark and depressing a lot of the time.  When I first got there I had some really scary experiences.  I felt what evil is.  But eventually I had an experience that changed my life forever.  I started reading the Book of Mormon everyday.  And I went to church every single week.  I fasted a lot.  I prayed daily.  I wrote in my journal all the time.  And I did service all day long in the kindergarten where I worked.  And I tried to serve the host family I lived with by taking their 11 year old daughter Luda on trips with me.  And spending a lot of time with her.

I found Alma 32.  I realized my only requirement to gaining a testimony was to put the principles of the gospel into practice.  I didn't have to have faith with nothing wavering.  I just had to desire to believe.  That was so helpful to me.  Feasting upon the word started just coming so naturally.  I couldn't get enough of the Book of Mormon.  My questions were all being answered.  Sure there were some things I didn't understand.  But there was pure brilliance in there too.  Alma 32, 2 Nephi 2, Mosiah. Moroni, Ether.  I marked up my scriptures looking for these kernels of truth.  And one night after reading a passage I laid back against my bed and thought about what I had just read.  It was Mosiah and the passage was talking about imagining the Lord saying unto you, Come unto me you blessed for your works have been the works of righteousness"  and I thought about it for a minute, then was filled with the most beautiful most amazing light I have ever experienced.  I felt the Savior's love for me.  I knew he loved me and that I was on the right track.  I felt his arms around me.  This was concrete.  I knew this was not something I'd created or imagined.  It wasn't of this world.  And I never wanted that feeling to go away.  And that is when I understood the plan of salvation.  Because of the veil, we don't remember our Father in Heaven.  And desiring to be with him again is somewhat nebulous.  But I realized being in his presence was going to feel like that.  And I really, really wanted that.  I learned more in that minute or so than I have in the 19 years since.  I love the quote, "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye."  It's true.  Somethings you just have to experience to understand.

I hear the testimonies of the apostles and some of their experiences are very similar to mine.  My mother in law gave me a book of her experiences awhile back and she had one that was very, very similar.  I know she knows just what I am speaking of when I talk about that night.

Why I am a Mormon.

I am a Mormon because I love the church.  I believe it just makes sense.  I love the story of the creation from an LDS perspective and I believe it is the only one that really makes sense.  We believe in a loving Father in Heaven who sent us here to be tested and tried.  We are here to progress.  We are not going to achieve perfection, but we try to be better than we were.  Ultimately, each on this Earth will achieve glory on some level.  Even those who commit grievous sins.  There is no fire and brimstone.  God didn't put us here with mortal temptations on Earth to sort us into good or bad piles.  We are here to learn how to become more like him, and to potentially have what he has.  Doesn't every parent want their child to have what they have?  But we also want our kids to be able to be good stewards.  We don't want to enable.  We can't just give them what we have and have them appreciate it.  They have to work for it in some way.  We gain wisdom and understanding throughout the process.

We believe in a Living Christ.  That he loves each of us personally.  We have access to him and to the Holy Ghost.  He will be part of our lives as long as we listen for his influence.  I have felt his influence guide me many times.  Driving home from work the night of the accident, I was inspired to avoid the freeway.  I still remember where I was standing and what I was looking at when that impression hit me.  That was confusing after the accident.  Why did the spirit lead me into this nightmare?  But in the end it was comforting.  This was meant to happen.  I don't know why.  But it was part of the plan.  And I was part of that accident because I needed to get serious and ask the hard questions.  I needed to know.  I prayed for a testimony.  It took a lot more time and a lot more work than I thought it would.  But I got it.

I found hope.  I learned how faith, hope and despair are all connected.  And by the way, that little scripture I read the night I was so upset, when I read it it was highlighted.  I went back to find it later and it took me forever to find.  I could picture which side of the page it was on, etc.  I remember the two scriptures being highlighted with the one in the middle unhighlighted.  When I went back and found it, none of them were.   I know Heavenly Father needed me to read that scripture.  It did describe exactly how I was feeling.  Despair.  It was awful despair.  And part of the reason I was in that situation was my fault.  I didn't want to admit it, but it was true.  Faith and Hope are not passive.  They don't just magically infuse into your heart.  You actually have to work to get it.  And because it takes work, you appreciate it more and you learn from the process.

I realized that hard things are going to happen in life.  But they are like the refiners fire and they make you better than you were before, and stronger.  I found that if my yoke is connected the yoke of the Savior, things are easier to bear.  He leads you through.  He isn't picking on me with trials.  It is just a way to teach.  He sends tender mercies through the hard times and we can feel his love if we keep our eyes open to it.

When Simone was a baby, we went through some rough years financially.  All of my fears came true.  We were broke.  We felt very vulnerable.  But through it all we were blessed.  I know it was partly our own bad decisions that led us there.  It is good to acknowledge that because when we recognize our mistakes we can proactively avoid those in the future.  But we felt a lot of mercy directed toward us as well.  Lots of little blessings: good friends, our trade network, real estate deals helping us pay off some of our endless debt, starting doTERRA when we were rock bottom.  Writing my blog helped me to remember all the great things that were happening in life.  It helped me to prioritize.  And Jared and I learned that when things are rough, we have each other.  And at the end of the day, I am married to my best friend.  No matter what happens, we are a team and we can get through whatever comes our way.

I love going to church each week.  I love singing the sacrament hymns.  I love feeling that renewed motivation to try a little harder.  I like the reminders to look for opportunities to serve.  I feel good when I am in church.  I do get bored sometimes.  And sometimes I don't feel like going.  It is easy to lose your appetite for the good things.  But most of the time I really enjoy the whole experience.  Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with my callings and the requirements.  But I know that the way the church is run is inspired.  There are so many others that are serving my family.  Scout leaders, YW leaders, primary and nursery teachers.  We all give a little.  And at sometimes in our lives we give a lot.  But in the end it all evens out.

I have a strong testimony of the priesthood.  When I was pregnant with Monet I went in for a routine appt and my dr called the next day and informed me I had a UTI.  I felt fine so I was surprised by that.  But they put me on an antibiotic called macrobid.  I immediately got a severe headache.  I was bawling it hurt so bad.  I just laid on the couch and cried.  My sil had frequent migraines and gave me some extra strength Tylenol.  It didn't touch it.  I wasn't supposed to take anything else since I was pregnant. Jared and my brother in law gave me a blessing and I was immediately so much better.  It was a miracle.  I felt loved.  Another time I needed a blessing of comfort.  Jared blessed me and my anxiety disappeared.

I have always felt so loved and supported by the priesthood and the leadership in our church.  When Miles was a baby and super sick, I had a horrible experience.  He had just been released from the hospital after given an infusion of Win-Rho.  Miles's platelets were being attacked by his immune system and as a result he had horrible bruising and bleeding under the skin from the slightest touch.  The Win-rho was used to divert attention from his platelets and instead cause his immune system to attack his red blood cells.  I didn't feel great about the side effects, but consented to it since I didn't know what else to do and I wanted him to be released from the hospital.  That night he was home with Jared when I had a Stake President's interview.  During the interview I got a whole bunch of calls from Jared.  I answered the phone and Jared was in a panic.  Miles was throwing up over and over.  We worried because the dr. office had told us this was a severe reaction to the drug.  I drove home just sobbing and so worried.  I am not much of a worrier and generally am pretty low key about illness and things like that.  But I was so, so scared.  Our bishop came right over and helped Jared give Miles a blessing.  I called the Dr. office and they informed me that because it was so many hours after the infusion it wasn't an allergic reaction.  We were relieved.  We were so new to all of this kind of thing.  Our bishop was so kind and he offered financial support as well, even though we were sure we wouldn't need it.

In Russia I was on my way to church when a man started asking me questions about my religion.  He told me he didn't believe in organized religion.  He felt that he was closer to God in nature than he ever would be in a church.  I considered his thoughts and understood why he might reach that conclusion.  But ultimately I am so thankful for the way the church is organized.   In theory, we are divided up by geographical area.  This makes it easier to meet the people that live near you.  We have programs that help us to get to know the needs of those around us and to allow us to meet those.  Visiting teaching, and Home teaching for instance.  Being in church I am exposed to the thoughts and inspiration from those around me.  I learn so much and am so inspired by these people.  While taking a hike and trying to know God in that way is a good thing, sharing that knowledge and serving others is the fruit of that.  I just don't think we should keep our inspiration to ourselves and I think church is the obvious way to do that.

An example of this is when we moved to Highland.  We left a lot of good friends in Lehi.  We had lived there for 7 years and felt very comfortable in our area.  We moved to an area that had an enormous ward.  In fact, the primary was the biggest in the world.  Jared and I were immediately called to nursery.  It was a closet sized nursery.  There were no toys or snacks.  Not even a roll.  We were basically just tossed in a room and told good luck.  We didn't know anyone and it was so odd to be new again.  No one knew my name yet.  I was a bit discouraged about being in nursery and not having the opportunity to meet people.  I'd always thought I was pretty independent, but I realized then that I really needed friends.  I was lonely.  But one week shortly after we were called a woman came in to nursery who had been the previous teacher.  We started talking and immediately hit it off.  I loved her!  Then she told me she was my visiting teacher and I knew this was a tender mercy.  I needed this calling so I could get to know Melissa.  She invited me to run with her in the mornings.  She got me into the babysitting co-op where I met tons of friends and my kids got to meet a lot of friends.  It was meant to be.

In the past few weeks, my girls and I have been doing Personal Progress together.  As a teen, I really despised personal progress.  I hardly attended Young Women's after my first couple of years.  And I didn't care to get my medallion.   But I have absolutely loved learning and studying the gospel with my girls.  We have read about agency, repentance, the holy ghost, baptism, etc.  I love the values that my girls are learning about.  I had a young woman ask me recently at an activity if they have to do Personal Progress.  Nope.  You certainly don't have to do it was my reply.  But if you do it, it will bless your life.  I wish when I was going through some tough times as a teen I would have studied these values and scriptures.  Really personal progress is an experiment upon the word.  It is putting into action the values the church teaches so the girls can feel the truth and light in their lives and can gain a testimony.  I think that is so neat.  I wish I had done that at their age.

I hear people criticize church goers as hypocrites.  Somehow if you go to church, some people think you think you are perfect.  But that isn't the case at all.  I don't expect perfection from other church members either.  I know we all go to church because we know we need it.  It makes me a better person.  It makes me happy.  It isn't always easy, but it is worth it.

Summer Greenery

Last winter I looked at the fall post of our yard and could hardly believe it was ever that green.  So here are some more pics for me to enjoy this next winter.

This year we added a chicken fence and some garden boxes.  We hired our friends framing company to do the building part of it.  They did such a nice job!  Even so, putting simple garden boxes in is harder than you would think!  Leveling the dirt, weed barrier, sprinklers and dirt and taking out part of the fence to add the dirt.  Spring was really busy with projects.  But I love them.  Monet planted some vegetables in her box and is very proud of it.   She told me she was going to plant her garden every year.  The kids are so excited about harvesting the radishes!  We've produced only one tomato so far, but I bet we will get a bunch more soon.  She's got lots of corn, peas, tomatoes, carrots, radishes, zucchini and cucumber.  Though the cucumbers are not really growing.

We planted lots of bare root plants too from Costco.  So we have a ton of lilies.  And some peonies and hostas and some others that should come up nice and big next year.  Sadly, the hollyhocks got sprayed with weedkiller.  Bummer, those are my favorite.

The pool is getting lots of use!  That guy throwing in one of the beehives isn't Jared.  Kinda funny!  It always makes me do a double take when I see him because he looks so much like Jared.  Same height, same bald head, same general shape.  I was sitting next to him at a basketball game once and thought it was Jared for like 10 minutes.  LOL.

I pressure washed and sanded down an old swingset that our friends were getting rid of.  It looks great now!  The kids love it.  

The future location of the in ground trampoline, raspberry bushes and grape arbor

The new cedar chicken fence.  

We have the best boy scout leaders!  This is some serious dedication.  Jared is Cubmaster and we had packmeeting in the backyard.

Monet and her friend Brooke taught her these tricks!  This girl is fearless.

Our two new baby bunnies

One of the doves that lives in the backyard.  We have lots of bluejays too.

Projects for next year:
Italian Prune Tree
Apple Pear Tree
Roses
Raspberries
Grapes
Sprinklers for Sunflowers
More pumpkins
cold frames for the garden boxes
plant zinnias earlier
dutch iris
bearded iris

Spring Sports

Elise's Lacrosse team made it to the finals.  They got to play at the field at Westminster.  It was a fun game but they lost to Corner Canyon in the finals.  It was a bummer because Corner Canyon was a brand new team that combined girls from several high schools, so was more like an all-star team.  But it was a lot of fun and we will definitely beat them next time.  Actually, we won't ever play them again because next year will be high school and this team will then be divided up by school like the other teams.  But it was good for the Lone Peak girls to have some good competition.  It would have been fun to play AF and Corner Canyon more often.

Elise has become a really amazing defender and did a great job heading off a lot of goals despite how great this team was.  They had a great goalie also.

Monet had a great season and was undefeated.  She and two other key players were unable to go to one game and they ended up losing that one.  But Monet's record was perfect.  She was able to play in the All-Star game with a couple of team mates and did so well!  She scored and had great defense.

Both girls have been busy with tournaments and camps this summer.  Elise had a UVU basketball tournament that they did really well in.  The finished 2nd.  And a Dixie tournament where they also finished 2nd.

Monet had a lot of fun at the BYU lacrosse camp with her good friend Tiffany Lee.  She and Tiffany are about the same size.  They did great and Monet got MVP for her age group.

Today her and Miles went to a speed and agility camp put on by the BYU basketball team.  Turns out Monet was the only girl there.  LOL.  She won a hustle award of a pair of signed size 18 basketball shoes!  Size 18!  That is huge.

The cutest part about it was how proud Miles was of her.  He exuberantly told me right away that Monet was the best one there!  Lol.  I guess the coaches were impressed with her layups and her hustle.

Soren is 2!

Soren is 2

His favorites list:

Tongs

Clothespins

Hot dogs (oh great)

Cheetos

Despicable Me 2

Toy Story

His Eric Carle Book with the sounds

His red blankie

Money in a mouthguard container (building up the immune system)

Going to the park 

Going on walks

New Skills:

He says a lot these days.

He tells us just what he needs:

"I need a new diaper"

"I poopy"

Sippy

Blankie

I hungry

Loves to jump off of things

Not afraid of the water anymore and loves swimming

Saying prayers

Going on walks

He knows where we are going by familiar signs.  We pulled up to Great Harvest, and he says, "Bread."  And he knows Little Caesars is Pizza.  He loves tools and helping me put things together.

Farewell Sugar Dog

We said goodbye to our sweet little pup Sugar last month.  She has been part of our family about as long as Monet.  It was so sad to have to put her down.  We all cried all day and Jared and I both agreed it was one of the hardest things we've ever had to do.  Although her health was not great, she still had the sweetest nature.  She has lost control of her bladder, was arthritic, deaf and partially blind.  We knew it was time to say good bye.  But it was still hard.

We brushed her for a long time before taking her to the vet.  We fed her some yummy food too.   We took a few pictures with the kids.  They let us take her home and bury her under a tree in the backyard. All the kids wrote her letters with their favorite memories of the things they did with Sugar.  Then we buried those with her box.

Some of my favorite memories:
When Monet was a baby and Sugar would cuddle up to her on the floor when Monet was on her blanket sleeping.
How she always seemed to know when I was pregnant and she would sit right next to me and follow me around the house
Finding her up on the bunkbed when Elise and Monet were little.  She didn't make a sound.  Just stayed up there until someone came to get her.
How she would run to the door when Jared came home
How she loved to play when she was younger and she would get excited to chase your hand
Her first bath and how big her cute little eyes were!
She looked like a gremlin
How she was lost for several days when we first got her.  We prayed and sent out flyers, then finally went door to door and finally got her back.  My kids knew their prayers were answered
How she seemed so proud after getting groomed
Her cute little Christmas sweaters
How everyone always thought she was a puppy because of her size
We were so surprised when she finally barked!

Winterish Summer Day

We had some crazy weather a few weeks ago.  But it was pretty beautiful!  The green mountains dusted in snow isn't something we see too often.

Bunnies!

Remember Lyla?  We loved cute Lyla, but not so much having our basement smell like a bunny.  They do not smell so great.

So Miles and Monet saved up some money and got it in their heads that they were going to raise bunnies.  They read all kinds of information on breeds and breeding them and what they needed.  Then they found a coop with four compartments.  Then we found some darling little bunnies on KSL.

One of them is a Holland Lop.  She is adorable!  I don't know if the others are actually Holland Lops.  They look like regular bunnies, not lop eared.  But they are sweet too.

They love running around the yard!

Nemo and Daisy

Aww, Nemo the orphaned chick and Daisy the Duck are so funny and cute.  Daisy hasn't been able to walk for a couple of days.  We are not sure what is causing her leg to have problems, but she started limping and now she won't walk at all.  We did some research and it might just be that she needs some better food and possibly vitamins.  Maybe she got pecked.  Whatever it is she just lays down.  So Nemo who absolutely follows her around everywhere, brings Daisy food.  She picks up a piece of corn and takes it to Daisy for her to eat.

Someone asked me if the chickens had personalities.  I think they absolutely do! Nemo crying all day when her family was killed.  And needing to be held.  She is so sweet.

Silkie's chick is doing great!  She even goes in the big coop now with Silkie ready to fight anyone who messes with her.  It is cute.