We had some great talks today at church about kindness and not being critical. I loved what I learned and I don't want to forget.
The other subject was on being approachable with our kids and not being shaming or preachy, but really listening and validating them. Having open discussions and being a soft place to land. This is something I've been thinking a lot about lately. How to be involved but not be a helicopter parent. How to be supportive and let them make decisions, but also instructive and intervene when necessary. The tricky part of all of this is that each kid is so different.
One of the ways I used to really connect with Elise was by sitting in her room and just asking questions--not like a million peppering questions, just really sitting for a little bit because that's what it took sometimes for her to share. But she also turned her phone in at night and I monitored her text messages. I was always pretty respectful I think in how we handled that so it didn't feel invasive. But it helped me to know what to talk to her about. When she was younger, she was not going to really bring up much stuff on her own. So it was up to me to pry it out of her at first. She always listened to us and would have the conversation and be thoughtful about it and I really appreciated that. Every kid is different and we are figuring that out and what that looks like right now with our other kids.
But it sounds like listening and being validating is universally a good way to open conversations. A couple of weeks ago Miles and I went on a late night In N Out run. It was nice to talk to him one on one and we had some good conversations and I loved how reflective he was.
So that coincides with some other thoughts I've been having lately. About being kind, and also realizing that everyone needs to feel like they belong. It's no wonder to me that Simone loves going to the climbing gym. She walks in and there are so many friends, coaches, teammates and they have created this little environment that really feels good to her. Everyone needs that in life.
For my kids, sports have given them an outlet for physical health, strengthened their discipline and mental toughness and have helped them to set and reach goals. Plus the relationships that develop in sports are often really bonding. There are a lot of different ways kids can have that same camaraderie.
Wouldn't that be great if everyone felt that at church?
One easy concrete thing: Greetings
I have been thinking a lot about the kind of people that make you feel really good when you see them and what it is that they do. And I realized that greetings are important and can make a difference to people.
Monet and I were talking about friends. And I was remembering some friends in high school that really had an impact on me specifically my senior year after my big car accident. They were fun, crazy, and really sweet. But what I remember most is that they had the cutest greetings. "SHEREEEE!!! you're the coolest girl!" They would literally yell it down the hall. They made me feel so good. I might have been the most awkward person ever, but that made me feel so good.
I remembered Elise talking about Beau, a boy from her school that passed away when they were juniors. He had this huge ready smile and was so warm and friendly he really made an impact on people. Elise was more reserved and quiet. At Beau's funeral a lot of people talked about his warmth and how he made them feel, she tried hard to be more outgoing and friendly and greet people like he did.
I have a friend who is like that too. She has this huge cute smile when she sees you and is so enthusiastic. It is one of my favorite things about her.
And the cutest scene every morning is when we bring the dogs into the kitchen and they go around and "greet" each member of the family. They are so excited to see everyone.
It's like when I had little toddlers at home and I'd return home from shopping or some other errand and they would be soooo excited and lift up their little arms and want to be held. You just feel like the most important person right then.
I have a neighbor that is literally "female Jesus" to use Diane's best description of amazingly nice people. I was walking past her house when her kids came home from school and she was there with the biggest happiest greeting and I thought that was so cute and inspiring. Lucky kids!
Anyway, I loved all those lessons today and am inspired to work on those things.
Sunday, February 23, 2020
Tuesday, February 11, 2020
Simone's Bouldering Nationals
Simone's been having a great year improving her climbing skills. When she joined Team Momentum, she had about 9 months of climbing under her belt and she had only done bouldering, no sport or speed. So everything was brand new and we were still figuring it all out.
She's now been climbing for 2 years and 3 months. This year she's taller, stronger, and more confident in how it all works. Earlier in the October I think she was invited to come to practices with the Momentum Elite Team. I don't even know what it is called, but it is the team with the kids who are at nationals.
She said it was super helpful to have those extra intense practices and she really loved her workouts at the USA climbing headquarters in downtown Salt Lake. She thought it was pretty cool that they have these big barrels of cliff bars that anyone can eat. She liked the perks!
She LOVES her team and coaches. They have had a few sleepovers with the girls on the team. I am very impressed with how great the older girls on the team are with the younger ones. They are so cute and supportive.
At Regionals in Ogden she did very well and advanced to Divisionals in Denver. I believe there are 8 divisions in the US. Ours includes Colorado and is very competitive. She did great at Divisionals placing second. On the first day she topped all the boulders but fell one time. Each problem has three scores. Depending on how far you get on the boulder. So there is usually a 5, 10, 15, and 25 point hold. The max for each problem is 25. Each fall gets .01 deduction. So not much but it makes a difference. On the second day she flashed all and tied her teammate in the finals. Because of the tie, they looked at the scores from the first day to determine who was first and second. Simone was .01 behind her cute teammate Anna the day before so that determined that she was 2nd Place. Which is soooo good. We were excited for both of them to be heading to Nationals and to do so well in a competitive region.
We are sooo lucky we made to Divisionals. I was taking her since Jared was in Hawaii already. Hours before flying out with Simone and a teammate I found out our flight was cancelled. I quickly booked another flight but had three people trying to talk to me while I was doing it. When I got to the airport later that day I had trouble checking in and learned that I booked our flights from Denver to SLC instead of SLC to Denver. Everything was now booked for that night, and there were no early flights with room in the morning. So we tried to rent a car and drive. But BOTH routes were closed due to weather. One of her top teammates was stuck in Wyoming after the I-15 was closed. She never was able to make it to Divisionals, so sad! She would have qualified for nationals for sure.
I was freaking stressed. And Jared was relaxing in Hawaii, which made me feel a little resentful. Haha! But after a little freak out, we went back to the Delta counter and tried to figure out another way to get there. After a bit, three seats opened up to Colorado Springs! Yay! We made it by midnight.
The rest of the trip was so fun and such a breeze! The girls all ran around the hotel together and we walked to the gym around the corner. It was a lot of fun.
Travel days are always a little stressful and Nationals was no exception! It was our 23rd anniversary the day we were supposed to leave. I had a crapload of things I needed to get done that day. And I didn't want to stress about it because there are a lot of days like that, and it all works out. Usually. Just put one foot in front of the other and figure it out.
So I had to get housing for Elise in Provo (thought it was taken care of but the first place lost my check and now they were full) so I drove around Provo all morning, came home to go to Miles's game, then took Simone to climbing. I had a cold and was feeling exhausted and my ears were getting bad and I was getting vertigo. I got home and thought I had a couple hours to pack. Nope. I realized I never got my drivers license back after signing Elise's lease. So I drove back to Provo in the snowstorm thinking I'd need my license for my flight since my passport barely expired.
So I didn't make it. I knew coming home that I didn't have time to do it all. Plus I felt so crappy and exhausted and I knew flying would wreck my ears. So I came home and packed Simone and sent her with Jared. I was sad to miss out, but happy to be able to see Miles's two games and Monet's race and spend the weekend with Soren.
We loved watching Simone on the TV and were cheering for her every chance. She did sooooo great!
The first day in qualifiers she got 11th of 50. Top 20 made it to the Semi-finals.
In the Semi-final round she crushed it and got 4th out of 20. Top 10 made it to Finals.
In finals the boulders were sooo hard. She got 9th out of 10. Finishing 9th in the nation!
I'm so happy that Simone has found a passion that helps her to develop discipline and strength. She is so social and she has great friends and coaches and is in a supportive environment. She loves it and we are proud of her. I'm excited for her to do more outdoor climbing. I want to go too.
I'll give myself a little pat on the back too, because I have sacrificed a lot to get her where she needs to be everyday. Its not easy for me to be gone so much driving her around. But we are figuring out solutions and adjusting. I actually really like to drive. It helps that we have a car that is a dream in traffic. But I just turn up my music and I kinda enjoy it. I get to spend lots of time with Simoney too.
She was very excited to flash this route at Smith Rock near Bend. Her coaches took her here after Nationals and it was very cool. She was able to lead climb which means the rope isn't already hanging from the top, its attached to the climber, so you clip in at each anchor point. This particular route was hard because the anchor points are so far apart so if you fall, you fall far. She said at the end she had to dyno (jump) to the last move and she was so excited that she got it because she did NOT want to fall.
She's now been climbing for 2 years and 3 months. This year she's taller, stronger, and more confident in how it all works. Earlier in the October I think she was invited to come to practices with the Momentum Elite Team. I don't even know what it is called, but it is the team with the kids who are at nationals.
She said it was super helpful to have those extra intense practices and she really loved her workouts at the USA climbing headquarters in downtown Salt Lake. She thought it was pretty cool that they have these big barrels of cliff bars that anyone can eat. She liked the perks!
She LOVES her team and coaches. They have had a few sleepovers with the girls on the team. I am very impressed with how great the older girls on the team are with the younger ones. They are so cute and supportive.
At Regionals in Ogden she did very well and advanced to Divisionals in Denver. I believe there are 8 divisions in the US. Ours includes Colorado and is very competitive. She did great at Divisionals placing second. On the first day she topped all the boulders but fell one time. Each problem has three scores. Depending on how far you get on the boulder. So there is usually a 5, 10, 15, and 25 point hold. The max for each problem is 25. Each fall gets .01 deduction. So not much but it makes a difference. On the second day she flashed all and tied her teammate in the finals. Because of the tie, they looked at the scores from the first day to determine who was first and second. Simone was .01 behind her cute teammate Anna the day before so that determined that she was 2nd Place. Which is soooo good. We were excited for both of them to be heading to Nationals and to do so well in a competitive region.
We are sooo lucky we made to Divisionals. I was taking her since Jared was in Hawaii already. Hours before flying out with Simone and a teammate I found out our flight was cancelled. I quickly booked another flight but had three people trying to talk to me while I was doing it. When I got to the airport later that day I had trouble checking in and learned that I booked our flights from Denver to SLC instead of SLC to Denver. Everything was now booked for that night, and there were no early flights with room in the morning. So we tried to rent a car and drive. But BOTH routes were closed due to weather. One of her top teammates was stuck in Wyoming after the I-15 was closed. She never was able to make it to Divisionals, so sad! She would have qualified for nationals for sure.
I was freaking stressed. And Jared was relaxing in Hawaii, which made me feel a little resentful. Haha! But after a little freak out, we went back to the Delta counter and tried to figure out another way to get there. After a bit, three seats opened up to Colorado Springs! Yay! We made it by midnight.
The rest of the trip was so fun and such a breeze! The girls all ran around the hotel together and we walked to the gym around the corner. It was a lot of fun.
Travel days are always a little stressful and Nationals was no exception! It was our 23rd anniversary the day we were supposed to leave. I had a crapload of things I needed to get done that day. And I didn't want to stress about it because there are a lot of days like that, and it all works out. Usually. Just put one foot in front of the other and figure it out.
So I had to get housing for Elise in Provo (thought it was taken care of but the first place lost my check and now they were full) so I drove around Provo all morning, came home to go to Miles's game, then took Simone to climbing. I had a cold and was feeling exhausted and my ears were getting bad and I was getting vertigo. I got home and thought I had a couple hours to pack. Nope. I realized I never got my drivers license back after signing Elise's lease. So I drove back to Provo in the snowstorm thinking I'd need my license for my flight since my passport barely expired.
So I didn't make it. I knew coming home that I didn't have time to do it all. Plus I felt so crappy and exhausted and I knew flying would wreck my ears. So I came home and packed Simone and sent her with Jared. I was sad to miss out, but happy to be able to see Miles's two games and Monet's race and spend the weekend with Soren.
We loved watching Simone on the TV and were cheering for her every chance. She did sooooo great!
The first day in qualifiers she got 11th of 50. Top 20 made it to the Semi-finals.
In the Semi-final round she crushed it and got 4th out of 20. Top 10 made it to Finals.
In finals the boulders were sooo hard. She got 9th out of 10. Finishing 9th in the nation!
I'm so happy that Simone has found a passion that helps her to develop discipline and strength. She is so social and she has great friends and coaches and is in a supportive environment. She loves it and we are proud of her. I'm excited for her to do more outdoor climbing. I want to go too.
I'll give myself a little pat on the back too, because I have sacrificed a lot to get her where she needs to be everyday. Its not easy for me to be gone so much driving her around. But we are figuring out solutions and adjusting. I actually really like to drive. It helps that we have a car that is a dream in traffic. But I just turn up my music and I kinda enjoy it. I get to spend lots of time with Simoney too.
She was very excited to flash this route at Smith Rock near Bend. Her coaches took her here after Nationals and it was very cool. She was able to lead climb which means the rope isn't already hanging from the top, its attached to the climber, so you clip in at each anchor point. This particular route was hard because the anchor points are so far apart so if you fall, you fall far. She said at the end she had to dyno (jump) to the last move and she was so excited that she got it because she did NOT want to fall.
Monday, February 10, 2020
Not for me
You know what I did during the Superbowl halftime show?
Well I really like Shakira's catchy music, so I watched. Until she started getting on the floor and doing some weird gyrations, and then I thought, "Oh brother" and went upstairs. So I didn't get to see J. Lo's crotch shots. Dang. Missed it.
Did I expect the Superbowl halftime show to be better? Not really. I lived through Miley Cyrus twerking on national television, and Janet Jacksons wardrobe malfunction. I know what I am signing up for when I start to watch. And especially when the performers are J. Lo and Shakira. We probably all should have known what it was going to be like.
What I'd really love is a show with good music, good dancing minus the overly sexualized drama and none of the celebrity stunts that are just trying to get controversial and publicity. But apparently that is boring these days.
When I see something that is overly sexy and I just think that a middle aged mom like me is not the target audience of this and I turn it off or unfollow. Even People magazine bugs me these days. Somehow I get it every week and I never even ordered it. I would have been really excited about that back when I was young. I used to love magazines. Now it just goes into my recycle.
There are a few celebrities I really like, and the rest are just pretty much a mess.
I kinda hope that next time the Superbowl halftime show gets to be too much, people just stop watching and turn it off. Maybe eventually they will get the message that they are pushing things too far and will tone it down.
Well I really like Shakira's catchy music, so I watched. Until she started getting on the floor and doing some weird gyrations, and then I thought, "Oh brother" and went upstairs. So I didn't get to see J. Lo's crotch shots. Dang. Missed it.
Did I expect the Superbowl halftime show to be better? Not really. I lived through Miley Cyrus twerking on national television, and Janet Jacksons wardrobe malfunction. I know what I am signing up for when I start to watch. And especially when the performers are J. Lo and Shakira. We probably all should have known what it was going to be like.
What I'd really love is a show with good music, good dancing minus the overly sexualized drama and none of the celebrity stunts that are just trying to get controversial and publicity. But apparently that is boring these days.
When I see something that is overly sexy and I just think that a middle aged mom like me is not the target audience of this and I turn it off or unfollow. Even People magazine bugs me these days. Somehow I get it every week and I never even ordered it. I would have been really excited about that back when I was young. I used to love magazines. Now it just goes into my recycle.
There are a few celebrities I really like, and the rest are just pretty much a mess.
I kinda hope that next time the Superbowl halftime show gets to be too much, people just stop watching and turn it off. Maybe eventually they will get the message that they are pushing things too far and will tone it down.
Wednesday, February 05, 2020
23 years *Reality Check*
It was our 23rd wedding anniversary this week! I am so glad that I married Jared. He is the guy for me for sure. I am very happy with my decision and with how our lives have gone. I've loved each stage.
I love to think about how it was when we met and when we got married. We were very much in love, but it was so fun and I loved being married to my best friend. But it was also freaking hard.
Kids these days seem to get married and have the best lives! Traveling Europe, posting the cutest pictures on social media. Cute outfits, adorable babies, fun activities all the time. It looks so dreamy.
Marriage didn't look quite like that for us! We married while my parents were getting divorced. It was a very interesting time with a lot of transitions and changes. I had high hopes but didn't have high expectations going into marriage regarding a lot of things and was used to working hard and being independent. So that is probably what got me through the first couple years. In the first year of our marriage these things all happened:
1. Married, moved twice in a few months
2. New jobs for both of us twice as we moved
3. had to start over with friendships because we literally knew no one and there were not very many people our age living in California who were married
4. My parents got divorced
5. My dad got remarried
6. I started a new school
7. Hormonal birth control and me did not get along.
8. Jared had some crazy health problems that we never figured out. He lost a ton of weight and was super tired all the time, and it was really hard for him to stay awake while driving.
When we married, this is what my schedule looked like:
wake up at 6 am and go to work until 5:30 then go straight to school and do school until 10. Some nights I had off, and then I did homework. I squeezed in laundry and grocery runs, in my downtime. I felt like there were a lot of days when I did not see the sun. There were a lot of days when Jared and I spent very little time together. He worked at nights mostly when he did insurance. So I worked full-time in the day, even if I had school off, I often didn't see him until 10pm.
Jared was not used to working long hours. He usually played basketball for hours a day. Or watched basketball for hours a day. When I laugh that the Tivo saved our marriage, I'm not even joking. It really did. (My kids probably don't even know what a Tivo is lol)
I'm so glad that we were patient with each other. I was so in love with him and we got along really well and he was super sweet and sentimental and he loved me so much. I loved how we were together. I felt so comfortable with him from day 1. He's so funny and I still love that sense of humor. He had the best heart. I knew we both shared the same commitment to marriage. Seeing our parents divorce and how hard that is forever instilled in us a desire to not want to ever go through that, or want our kids to go through that. Sometimes divorce is inevitable. And necessary. But I knew with Jared, that both of us were super committed to having a good relationship.
But we were both so immature. I had a lot to learn and so did he. Being married young and moving out of state is hard and I missed my family and friends. We took some marriage classes. We read some books. And we figured things out.
I know that we met at the right time for us, We married at the right time for US. I actually think it was a tender mercy that we met when we did. But would not encourage any other person to do it. Haha! 19 is young. I guess seeing my girls reach this age is what is prompting me to make this disclaimer. Years ago Elise and Monet were both really young and Elise asked me, "Mommy, how old were you when you got married?" I told them I was 19, but it is a good idea to be a little older. So Monet says, "Okay, I'll get married when I'm 20." haha. Okay yes 20 is a *little* older I guess but I was thinking of a few years older. But I really do hope they take their time in all aspects of that process because while it has worked out for us, I want them to have the best odds.
Monday, February 03, 2020
Firsts
I was just thinking the other day of how Elise is the first girl born into both of our families to serve a mission as a young person. I'm so glad she is getting the opportunity to serve a mission.
This week in her call she told Jared with a lot of emotion how grateful she was to have him. I agree that she is lucky. One of the main reasons I married him is because I knew he was going to be a good dad. Elise said that she's been learning more about some of the fathers of the people she's meeting. One woman has bruises every week and is being abused by her husband who has an alcohol problem. I think that is so sad. I am grateful for the word of wisdom in helping people to avoid addiction that makes life so much more complicated. I love the emphasis on families. I'm thankful that my husband was raised to understand respect for women.
I'm also really glad he served a mission before I met him. I found these photos recently. I love that my husband as a 19 year old kid got to do service for two years. Missions require a lot of growth. I think it is so good for them to see how different people live and how to interact with all ages and backgrounds. I feel like that shaped him into the guy he was when we met.
I love these photos from the retirement home he served at. Especially the Cinco de Mayo picture. So cute. Elise has been serving a lot of elderly people in Treviso. They are so sweet and kind to her. One of the women they serve has a difficult time walking and also takes care of her elderly husband. Elise and her companions have been cleaning her home on a regular basis. The missionaries that preceded her started this and everyone has continued it. I think its really neat that they do this. Elise loves her lunch dates with her 92 year old friend as well. My Grandma Regen lived with me my whole life and helped raise me, and I feel like we need more connectedness through the generations.
And just for fun, look at all these missionaries we've had in our immediate family! Talk about dotting the globe! How cool. I never served a mission, but I feel like my 5 months in Russia was like a little mini-mission with all the service and growth that happened. It was a life-changing experience for me. I know that those experiences both Jared and I had helped us to tap into a different set of skills and gave us a maturity that we really needed heading into marriage at 19 and barely 22.
I'm sure we are going to see a lot more girl cousins on this list eventually.
Elise's Grandparents:
Grandpa A--Guatemala
Papa--Kentucky/Tennessee
Grandpa G--Central America
Seniors:
This week in her call she told Jared with a lot of emotion how grateful she was to have him. I agree that she is lucky. One of the main reasons I married him is because I knew he was going to be a good dad. Elise said that she's been learning more about some of the fathers of the people she's meeting. One woman has bruises every week and is being abused by her husband who has an alcohol problem. I think that is so sad. I am grateful for the word of wisdom in helping people to avoid addiction that makes life so much more complicated. I love the emphasis on families. I'm thankful that my husband was raised to understand respect for women.
I'm also really glad he served a mission before I met him. I found these photos recently. I love that my husband as a 19 year old kid got to do service for two years. Missions require a lot of growth. I think it is so good for them to see how different people live and how to interact with all ages and backgrounds. I feel like that shaped him into the guy he was when we met.
I love these photos from the retirement home he served at. Especially the Cinco de Mayo picture. So cute. Elise has been serving a lot of elderly people in Treviso. They are so sweet and kind to her. One of the women they serve has a difficult time walking and also takes care of her elderly husband. Elise and her companions have been cleaning her home on a regular basis. The missionaries that preceded her started this and everyone has continued it. I think its really neat that they do this. Elise loves her lunch dates with her 92 year old friend as well. My Grandma Regen lived with me my whole life and helped raise me, and I feel like we need more connectedness through the generations.
And just for fun, look at all these missionaries we've had in our immediate family! Talk about dotting the globe! How cool. I never served a mission, but I feel like my 5 months in Russia was like a little mini-mission with all the service and growth that happened. It was a life-changing experience for me. I know that those experiences both Jared and I had helped us to tap into a different set of skills and gave us a maturity that we really needed heading into marriage at 19 and barely 22.
I'm sure we are going to see a lot more girl cousins on this list eventually.
Elise's Grandparents:
Grandpa A--Guatemala
Papa--Kentucky/Tennessee
Grandpa G--Central America
Seniors:
Grandma and Grandpa A--Georgia
Grandma G--Washington DC
Elise's Uncles:
Dave --Australia
Aaron--Chile
Jared--Pittsburgh
Chris--France
Ryan--North Carolina
Travis--Brazil
Cameron--Alabama
Zach--Tennessee
Jon--Chile
Greg--Hong Kong
Dan--Argentina
Brent--West Indies
Matt--Guatemala
Elise's Cousins and younger uncles:
Jaron--Uruguay
Brayden--Argentina
Bryce--Philippines
Marty--Japan
Cade--Brazil
Chris--Mexico
Luke--Sierra Leone
Elise--Italy
Elise's Uncles:
Dave --Australia
Aaron--Chile
Jared--Pittsburgh
Chris--France
Ryan--North Carolina
Travis--Brazil
Cameron--Alabama
Zach--Tennessee
Jon--Chile
Greg--Hong Kong
Dan--Argentina
Brent--West Indies
Matt--Guatemala
Elise's Cousins and younger uncles:
Jaron--Uruguay
Brayden--Argentina
Bryce--Philippines
Marty--Japan
Cade--Brazil
Chris--Mexico
Luke--Sierra Leone
Elise--Italy
Sunday, February 02, 2020
We miss you Elise!
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What I miss most is how she brings a balance to our family. We're doing good but I could use her perspective sometimes.
She's getting transferred to Bologna this week! She will be serving as an STL with a basketball teammate from 7th or 8th grade. So that is pretty exciting!
There is a funny story about that basketball teammate. I need some humor so I'll tell it.
Awhile back Jared did some cupping therapy for his neck and it really helped with a pinched feeling he was having. So he coached Elise's basketball team later that week when the bruising from the cupping was fading. One of the teammates dad (her new comps dad) totally thought the bruises on Jared's neck were hickeys! Lol. So funny. He said he could hardly look at Jared. I was so glad that he said something so Jared could explain. They are such large circular bruises, we never even thought that someone might think that. Haha.
Also, one of the people in our ward had a cool story about Elise and her mission today. This family does business with a boot company in Treviso. So when he found out about Elise's mission call, he was super excited because the family that runs the boot company is so awesome and they are really close with their family and kids and were asking a lot of questions about the church.
So it was pretty cool when Elise got transferred to Treviso! It is the smallest branch in Italy and they only have one set of sister missionaries so it just seemed perfect that she happened to serve in that exact area because it isn't good odds. They don't have a car so they don't venture out to the further parts of their area that often. So it was a little difficult to get in contact with these people.
But they eventually got an introduction, and we got a photo this week of Elise and her Companion with them! I'm excited to find out more details. But it is really neat that they had the connection. They told our friends here that Elise has a beautiful smile and gave them a "Mormon book." So cute. I'm sad that she connected with them right before transfers, but glad she got to meet them!
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