Update on Dad

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• May 9:
• I've had so many questions about my dad lately and people wanting to know how he's doing.  About 15 months ago he was diagnosed with Stage 4 prostate cancer.  They found tumors in his hips, spine, shoulders, etc.  He woke up three weeks ago unable to walk or move his right side and was slurring his speech and was extremely weak and tired. Turns out he had a bleed in his skull that put pressure on his brain.  It was theoretically caused spontaneously from low platelets.  His marrow is not producing well because of the cancer.  They performed a craniotomy and inserted a drain and he seemed to be recovering.  But we were warned that because of his condition, there was a chance the bleeding could return. 
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  He has had limited mobility and was in rehab for his speech and movement following the surgery.  He tried coming home but ended up going back to the hospital several times for various things. This past Sunday he had a really good day where his pain was controlled and he was very lucid and seemed like he had more energy and was almost like normal. 
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  A few days ago he again woke up unable to move his legs and right hand.  He needed several people to get him in the car.  He had a CT scan that showed more fluid on his brain.  They said surgery wasn't an option at this point.  And he could possibly have a few days to weeks.  We aren't really sure what to expect.  But with the brain involvement and with how quickly this all has happened all my sisters flew into town again.  He is home receiving in home care.  He was brought home and a hospital bed setup in the house.  He has some strength in his heels but can't roll over on his own or walk or anything like that.  We are all so sad that it went from pretty decent to this bad so quickly.  We all thought he had more time before getting to this point.  We love him and it is hard to see him and his cute boys (Luke 16, Sam and Max 14) going through this. It feels a little strange to be posting this all on social media, but I know he has lots of friends that would like to know what is happening.

May 12:

He is super sleepy!  He slept most of the time I visited.  But I read him my ancestry.com DNA results and I asked him if he wanted me to read aloud about some of our history.  He said yes, but then he fell right asleep.  But when I stopped reading, he woke up again.  So I think even if he was just dozing he enjoyed some of it. 

The Brazilian CNA came.  I think CNA's are going to have a special place in heaven.  Honestly.  She was so good and knew just how to change the sheets and clothes and all of that.  It is a hard job when someone isn't able to move much and you have so many achy joints.  

Soren came with me today and he was a little cranky.  He doesn't really want to look at Dad.  I think it is hard for him to see grandpa like that.  But when we were leaving I asked Soren what his middle name was.  He said, "Michael" and I said that grandpa's name was Michael too and that he was named after Grandpa.  My dad and Soren both smiled and that made us all happy to think about that.

May 17:

So we are grateful for each day that we've had with Dad!  Its nice to have a big family in times like these.

All the kids have been out her for several days to have a really nice visit with him.  Last Sunday, Ron and Barb and all the Adairs came down and made dinner for us at Angela's house.  Of course they always make the best food and it was fun to have all the family together.  It must be hard for Ron especially since my Dad is the last of his family.  It is hard to believe that grandma just passed in 2013, and here we are only four years later and my dad is in his last stretch.  That is really sad to me.  A lot of irony too since she really wanted to die for more than a decade before she finally got her wish.

Today he is weak and pretty sleepy.  He is struggling with common words.  When I asked if he wanted water, sometimes he would say "yes" and sometimes he would just move his lips like he needed a drink.  But I am glad that he still wants to drink and is thirsty.  He was listening to my stories about our hikes, the girls lacrosse games, etc and he was smiling at the right times.  So I know he knows what we are saying, even though it is hard for him to respond with words.  But he spoke a few sentences and was coherent.

It is still hard to see him like this.  Everytime his condition worsens or something unexpected happens, it hurts all over again.  I've known for 15 months that this was coming.  But somehow even when you know, its like I'm not totally processing it.  Because getting the news a couple weeks ago that the fluid was back in his brain took my breath away and it gets real again.  

I don't want to plan anything or commit to anything right now.  I want to be available when I'm needed and not to have to worry about church obligations, etc.  I have activity days today.  But last night Michael had been there at Dads and worried that he might pass during the night.  It was so hard to send that text reminder about activity days.  I want to be responsible and I know that its important, but at the same time, I don't want to commit to planning or doing the activity because I'm worried.  I finally send the reminder and figured I can always cancel if I need to.

We also have a Lake Powell trip coming up.  Not sure what to do about that too.  At this point I just don't know if that will be right during the funeral or whatever.  But we'll see when we get there I guess.  

All the kids that are close are trying to each sleep a night a week at Dad's so that the boys and Diane can also get some sleep and not worry too much.  It wasn't hard at all for me because he's not using his urinal anymore anyway so I'm just basically listening to his breathing and it was actually really reassuring to be there and be with him.

May 19th:

Michael was there last night and said Dad was sleeping, just mumbling a little.  He had some moments when he was agitated when he was reassured by having a hand to hold.  So sweet.  He offered to sleep at Dad's every other night. It isn't super comfortable.  There is a squeaky recliner or the floor next to the hospital bed.  Fortunately all of us Adair kids seem to sleep fine pretty much anywhere.

Diane said yesterday that he wasn't swallowing anymore.  He couldn't eat food and wasn't drinking.  They are giving him liquid morphine since he can't swallow the pills anymore.