The next month, I was driving to California for a lacrosse tournament, and I got the news that my dad had stage 4 prostate cancer. He'd been having pain in his hips. And it was hard for him to sleep. He's a champ with pain and it takes a lot for him to complain. So when he talked to Matt about it at Christmas, Matt encouraged him to get it looked at right away. Turns out, there was a cancer mass in his hip bone causing a stress fracture.
I think when I initially heard about his diagnosis, I shelved it. I couldn't think about it. My mind just kept thinking that I wouldn't put too much energy into processing this information until we found out if they were wrong. Maybe the doctors were wrong. Maybe everything was fine. But a couple days later the diagnosis was confirmed.
I came home after the tournament and all the kids were in school and Jared was out of town with doTERRA. It was quiet and I had too much time to think and feel. And I started doing some research. I found some sobering statistics that felt really surreal. Like only 46% of men with stage 4 prostate cancer live past 1 year. My dad looks fine, feels pretty good and is positive most of the time. How can he be this sick? But he has cancer tumors in his lymph nodes, shoulders, spine, hips, etc. Suddenly it hit me. I'm not ready for this. And it began to feel so heavy. And I found myself crying a lot that week at random times. Feeling out of control and emotionally fragile. So this is grief.
Apparently my kids were feeling it too. Miles was not himself at all at our tournament. He was driving us all crazy. But kids are funny. They hear the news, but don't seem to really process it. He was certainly acting out though.
A few weeks later we were in Salt Lake and we stopped by my dad's late at night. Miles was with me and of course my dad was always so sweet and happy to see us. We get back in the car and Miles asks me seriously, "So, Grandpa can get better, right?" It was as if we'd never had the conversations in January. Like he still didn't quite understand the prognosis, or maybe like me, his brain had just shelved it for awhile. And seeing Grandpa again brought it back to the present reality.
We sure hope he can get better. And given his positive attitude and how good he looks now, I'm hopeful that we have many more years ahead. I want my kids to know him and remember him. I want his boys in Jr High and High School to have their dad there at their games and hanging out with the family and sending them off on missions.
I am grateful that he does not have to do chemotherapy. He is doing radiation and hormone therapy. But he is part of a study at Huntsman Cancer Institute and won't need to do chemo. So glad for that.
As I'm writing this, my dad and Jared are in Chile doing a little mini convention for their Chilean team. I am so excited for all of the successes of this team so far. They have some fantastic leaders and growth. I'm happy that Jared gets to tag along and see South America with my Dad.
