Today we had a lesson in church that coincided with ideas that I'd been having lately. I read an article yesterday about "Mormon" bloggers and instagrammers that was published in a major beauty magazine. I'm not even going to link it because it doesn't deserve that.
It was essentially making a lot of assumptions about why there are so many instagram famous women who are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. And I realized that there are certain things that just get lost in translation by people who haven't grown up in the church. Part of the problem I think is that they just mix in what they have heard about members of our faith with what they have Googled. I don't really know were she got these misconceptions, but I doubt it was from talking to many actual current members.
"when you come from a patriarchal religion, your best bet for gaining power is to be appealing to the men in charge… it can be very hard for women who are outside of normative standards of beauty… [Because] ultimately these beauty standards are connected to what gets you into heaven.”
Beauty has never been touted as something that will get me into heaven. There are a lot of beautiful LDS women. There is a focus on health in my city. People like to stay active and eat healthy. They stay away from addictive substances. And in general are more modest dressing. Maybe that makes them stand out. And the fact that women tend to marry younger and have children younger plays a role because those that are Instagram famous are young moms. But if you go to my church, you will find a huge variety of shapes, sizes, and looks. We are definitely not all looking like the pages of a magazine.
"These businesses (multi-level marketing beauty companies) allow Mormon women to make money and be ambitious, all while not working outside of the home, which in lots of ways is still frowned upon."
I DO think that Mormon women look for flexibility in their jobs so they can prioritize home and family. Working from home is a dream of many women, of any or no religion. Its a dream of many men too. Just ask Jared! We have so, so many friends within our doTERRA organization who love to have the flexibility and time freedom that comes from an MLM business--most of them not of our faith. Honestly I think the reason MLM businesses flourish in Utah is because religious people are well-connected through their churches. Is working outside the home frowned upon? 59%-73% of LDS moms work the percentage varying with the age of their youngest child. Here is a great quote that helps us understand this:
"There is no one perfect way to be a good mother," Elder M. Russell Ballard, a member of the church's Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, said in 2008. "Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family. Many are able to be 'full-time moms,' at least during the most formative years of their children’s lives, and many others would like to be. Some may have to work part-or full-time; some may work at home; some may divide their lives into periods of home and family and work. What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else"
Another eye rolling quote from the article that might be the most annoying of all:
"You might not know that [a Mormon girl] routinely asks herself, while shopping or applying eye shadow ‘Would I feel comfortable with my appearance if I were in the Lord’s presence?’”
I have never asked myself this question! Nor do I think the Lord would care if I had eye shadow on! This is a ridiculous assumption. Maybe some women think that the Lord would care about that. I personally don't think he's worrying about our makeup.
"The LDS church’s website has an entire section devoted to grooming and dress, complete with makeup tutorials."
This isn't accurate. The church does have a section that is available to missionaries on dress and grooming that contains a section on makeup. There are a lot of pictures with the dress and grooming standards. I think this is because there are missionaries from all over the world that are going to assimilate into new cultures across the globe. So this basic tutorial is teaching them how, if they choose, to apply very basic makeup. This information is never shared in church or promoted to any members, aside from being available to missionaries. Again, this is taking something way out of context and assigning new meaning to it. Missionaries have standards for dress and grooming much like a company has standards for its employees. It is very clear that makeup isn't required.
"If you’re a boy, you must want to be strong, play a sport, and then go on a mission. If you’re a girl, you must love makeup. Mormon girls, early on, are introduced to makeup and hairstyling and fashion.”
I've raised three very athletic girls one of whom is now on a mission. Never have they felt they had to love makeup or that sports was for boys. we might be on the more lazy end of the spectrum, but Monet hardly wears makeup. Jeans, t-shirts and tennis shoes are standard for my younger two girls and wet hair to school is also the norm. Simone is generally found with scraggly hair. I AM trying to teach her to brush it. But that's not because I'm worried about her feeling uncomfortable in the Lords presence, or because she needs to attract anyone. Its because its nice to look put together. "Put your best foot forward." You don't have to go overboard. But looking clean and neat at least can't be a bad thing. They all like getting dressed up on occasion. I do as well.
There are a lot of talented kids in our area and it is definitely not all sports for the boys and hair and makeup for the girls. I love seeing how the kids in my neighborhood have so many opportunities to develop their talents. One family's children are all in plays. And they are amazing and born to act and sing. Other kids love cello and piano and we get to hear them perform often in church. Others have done ballroom dance, rugby, ultimate frisbee, etc. There are girls and boys who are in dance and we love to watch them perform. Especially at our neighborhood party each year. Sports are really popular in our area. But so are many other hobbies. Again I think it is because of socioeconomics, having a stay at home parent who can drive them everywhere they need to be.
These famous bloggers/instagrammers are famous for a reason. They have capitalized on their beauty and influence and have created (with the help of their huge followings) a very lucrative job in many instances. I'm impressed by their marketing and I admire that they have found a way to create a successful business. But I don't think they even WANT to be the standard that people base members of our faith on.
One of these women used to live in my neighborhood. She was beautiful, very quiet, kind, and she had great taste. She loved her kids and her family and I think she liked her job. She was actually somewhat understated when I was around her. I doubt she wants the pressure of feeling like she is the prime example of what a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints should look like. I'm sad when I see a lot of comments from people who are critical of her lifestyle. If following her makes you feel bad about your normal life, then just unfollow. I think social media has a different effect on each of us.
So why are there so many "Mormon" women famous on social media?
1. Creativity is something we love. Look at how our state has sooo many craft companies that originated here. But its more than just crafting. Interior design, landscape, etc is all a fun outlet and I think the internet makes many women feel like they can learn and access these creative outlets.
2. We do generally prioritize our lives around our families. Both men and women do. One of the things I've always loved about my husband is how he wanted to have flexibility to be at the kids games, coach their teams, etc. Being a good dad and husband is a high priority to him because of how he was raised. So we probably do look for jobs that allow working from home, such as social media.
3. We also like to journal and keep records of our lives. Scrapbooking is more popular in Utah than anywhere else on the planet. Social media has replaced scrapbooking in many ways as we can all just create a book from our blogs or Instagram. Its a creative outlet, and a way to connect with our families and to record the things we don't want to forget.
4. Being a mom is valued and even celebrated in our culture! How many times did I hear from to LDS co workers in California that I'd be "so bored as a stay at home mom?" Lots of times. People weren't as positive about my ideals when I'd tell them I wanted to be a stay at home mom when my kids were little. In our culture, having a job is great (I know I have a lot of respect for career minded women). Being a stay at home mom is also respected. I am so happy for this. I know that those I associate with are supportive of me in whatever endeavors I choose. That feels good and right to me.
5. I think many people are drawn to the idea of this beautiful life. I used to get the Martha Stewart magazine. I was in high school. But I liked the ideas in it. It was fantasy almost. I am never going to have a monthly calendar that has things like "prune the grape vines" on it. Haha. I actually just found this hilarious article about how absurd her calendar is in a modern world. Its a good read here. But something within us just likes the idea of those kinds of things. How many of us love Pinterest just because it feels some sort of creative outlet? Its just fun.
6. Members of our faith are focused on progress. I go home from church each week re-energized and focused on things I can improve on. Perhaps this self-reflection results in women that are trying to put their best foot forward. Are seeking new inspiration on a regular basis, and want to be the best versions of themselves.
So to bring it all back around, here is a talk we discussed as our Relief Society lesson today. If you want to know what women of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are actually taught in church, here it is. Straight from the women's broadcast. I loved this talk. Especially the story about the human chain.
More articles at www.thechurchofjesuschristoflatterdaysaints.org. And of course, if you really want to know what we are taught in church, you can always come join us.
